I am 23 years old. And I’m the oldest of 3 blood siblings. I have an older Russian sister. I was born and raised in California. My family moved to Indiana to start a church at the beginning of my high school years. We moved to a small town called Crown Point. I hated it while I was there, but I met some of the greatest people there. Fell in love for the first time, found my bestest friend (Adalines godmother) , found a deep relationship with Jesus, and found my self. That town and those people, no matter how things ended, hold a piece of my heart and I’ll love them forever. I am a newly wed (may 23 will be a year). I married my best friend from Jr High. ( I’m obsessed with our wedding. It was the best day ever.) We started dating fairly quickly after a long term relationship ended ( on both sides). I am an army wife, licensed Esthetician and makeup artist with a passion for writing. The Hannah I told you I found is not someone I was proud of. I’m still learning to love myself. I’m very independent, very emotionally unbalanced, very strong willed, and very imperfect. I am a wretched sinner desperate for Gods Grace. I don’t really belong anywhere. Some days I belong in the country side on a farm with my hunk of a husband and hundreds of kids. Other days I wish I was trapped on a deserted island all alone. Allowing people to know me is just an open door to being hurt. I hate gifts, they make me uncomfortable. Music sets my feelings free and writing clears my head. I’m very strong willed and I have extremely high standards for everyone in my life and I take it very hard when people let me down or don’t meet those standards. I am a pro life advocate, a Jesus lover, and shopping addict. I procrastinate yet I over plan. My brain is a scary place to be. Ive traveled to multiple countries on mission trips. Haiti was by far the hardest trip. One day I want to spend a year in a third world country and write a book. I hate my body, I have no eyebrows ( I pencil them on everyday and sometimes I can’t even get them straight). I used to have a 6 pack and be stronger then most guys I know, now I can’t even walk up the stairs without being out of breath. I don’t trust easily and I expect the worst from everyone. Physical touch gives me anxiety, and I give the worst hugs (unless your my husband). When I look in a mirror I don’t see the person you see in pictures. I see everything I don’t like and wish I could be the person in my selfies. My mom is who I want to be when I grow up. I’ve lost a lot of friends for different reasons, so my true friends are a select few. I hate the sun and heat, it makes me depressed half the time. I love foggy cold days. That is when I’m the happiest. I should live in Washington. My longest friendship is my best friend Lauren. We met in 6th grade. And I don’t know if she knows this, but I wish I could be her. She’s the sweetest soul you’ll ever meet, and I’m oh so protective over her. I’m socially awkward at parties. I can’t attend them, so I throw them. I over plan everything (baby showers, wedding showers, etc) so that people pay more attention to the details than they do to me. I am the worst at thank you cards so forgive me if you’re still waiting for yours. I don’t like being told what to do and I’m deathly afraid to be a bad mom.
I could go into detail for days on each one of those things, but I have a hungry baby to nurse. And yes, praise God. We’re back to nursing.
So please, don’t be fooled by my instagram photos and blog posts. I am a mess who needs saving. I also HATE being vulnerable and I believe crying is a sign of weakness and I refuse to be weak. So be nice when you read this…I’m pretty fragile.