With only a few hours left (still not entirely sure how many) until my little family is made whole, there are SO many things running through my head. For starters, I haven’t actually slept in days. Which you would think would be the norm for a mom with a 3 month old, but it is not because Adaline is up that I haven’t slept. That girl sleeps at least 10 hours through the night….every night. Lucky butt. I however, feel like a kid again on Christmas Eve. Waking up every hour, checking the clock. Squeezing my eyes so tight together hoping the next time they open, it will be morning. The nights seem to drag on. Usually around 3 am I slide on over to Brian’s side of the bed and imagine him finally laying there next to me. This helps me fall asleep for at least an hour or two. Not long after that I’ll wake up to talk to him because he’s 3 hours ahead and has already started his day. Our thread of texts messages seem absolutely ridiculous as I look back on them. We don’t have much to say other than ” I love you’s” and “I miss you’s” which are always followed by our daily countdown routine and a series of questions about how we want to spend our weekends together. Occasionally you’ll see a ratchet selfie in the mix. Im usually always making some absurd face, or a kissy face. In which he always responds ” I can’t wait to kiss you for reals”…. insert panic. Other than kissing Adaline all day every day, it has been a very long time since these lips have touched anyone else. Im pretty sure Ive forgotten how to kiss. And on top of that….this girl just had a baby. Well, three and a half months ago. Definitely not feeling my “sexiest”. The thought of living with Brian (again) is both terrifying and exciting. We both have changed so much. I mean, half the time I’m talking, its to myself (so Adaline can hear me) and its in a really annoying baby voice. And he speaks in abbreviations, and calls the bathroom the latrine. He salutes the flag 2 times a day, and says things like “trackin?” after everything. My once goofy and emotional man of a husband is now a very serious United States Solider. * He likes to tell me that I can now legally mess with government property. I guess his humor is still in there somewhere.

Brian left 233 days ago. On our 6 month Wedding Anniversary to be exact. Out of the 14 months we have been married, we have lived thousands of miles apart for 8 months. Not the ideal way to spend the first year of marriage. But how lucky are we that we get to have (what seems like) another wedding night. We get to fall in love all over again and restart our lives together. This time with an adorable little girl. We will take a few vacations, start our own family traditions, buy a house, have another baby haha. But in all seriousness, I want another one like right away. Not that Adaline isn’t enough for me. She totally is. I could live my life with just her and be more than content. However, even though I had a rough pregnancy, and semi-scary delivery I loved every second of it. I love the person I have become, the trials I walked through, just the entire journey Ive been on. And I had to do almost all of it alone. I have no doubt Brian will be an incredible dad. But I want to share the beauty of pregnancy with him, the joy of shopping for baby things, the excitement of delivery, and the overwhelming love and wholeness a person feels when you get to bring your baby home. Adaline is still little, but so much has changed from those raw newborn moments. I already miss them. So guess, don’t be surprised in the next few months if we have another one on the way. People used to tell me to wait to have kids. That they will slow you down and you can’t do the things you want to do. But that couldn’t be less true. My daily regular life has continued as usual and its only the beginning. Yeah, its been a little difficult as a single mom, but thankfully I have  HUGE support team. You single moms out there, I salute you. You deserve awards. To work, and take care of your babies and a house and maintain a social life. You are all amazing.

Thank you all for being apart of this life changing journey with me. For your constant encouragement, the friendships I’ve made all over the world, and the love you have shown has touched me in way you’ll never know. I love reading your comments and messages. Thank you for sharing in the pain and the joy with me through this all. I wish I could hug everyone of you.

 

xoxo,

Hannah Lorain