Thursday November 30th, 2017 at 12:06 PM
While the delivery was quick, the labor was long. A lot of you might remember I was in the hospital for a week back in October for preterm labor. They put me on magnesium and shortly after my contractions stopped and my cervix wasn't progressing. SO I was very surprised I made it to full term. You also might remember back in May I was admitted in the ER while on vacation in Indiana for what the doctors thought was a PE (pulmonary embolism). After tests upon tests they were still convinced, but I needed to have a CT to confirm, which would expose the baby to radiation which could cause cells to mutate. I had just gotten our genetic tests back and was given the "all clear", so exposing her to something was very hard for me to do. We did the CT but the results came back negative for a PE. A Few weeks later I was diagnosed with Prental Depression ( or late/onset PPD from my pregnancy and birth with Adaline). They had me on antidepressants for a few weeks, which helped but I found something holistic that helped more so I got off the antidepressants. All of these things could have caused some risks to the baby, but we are happy to announce that Claramae is perfectly healthy. Gods hand were on her through out this whole pregnancy.
On November 26 I actually went into the hospital in the morning because I thought I was in labor. I have never felt contractions before, (not during labor with adaline) So because these were semi painful and close together I for sure thought things were happening. I was checked into labor and delivery and examined. To my surprise my cervix was dilated to a 3 at the bottom, but the top was only a 1. So they sent me home. Brian and I walked 4 miles, I bounced on a ball, ate spicy food, consummated, nothing was happening. The next few days my mom and I spent out on the town, pounding the pavement. Walking, shopping, eating. I wanted to get through Wednesday so Adaline could go to PT. I was hoping she would start walking after the last one we had before labor. She is so close. So November 29th, after PT, we went to the mall and walked for hours. around 8 pm, the contractions were much stronger and very close. Sometimes a minute apart, sometimes 3 minutes apart. And then they would stop for 20 min, and pick back up. But again because I didn't feel contractions with Adaline until I was 7cm, I was worried I was going to start crowning.
So we headed to the hospital. 10 PM I checked into L&D. They checked me and I was still only a 3, so they checked me again in 2 hours and I was a 5. From there the contractions were getting much stronger and closer. I chose to have the epidural, which took about another hour or so to get after they moved me into a delivery room and got me hooked up to everything. It took 2 nurses and 5 tries to get an IV in me, and even then the IV infiltrated and filled my arm with the fluids rather than my vein. So my whole left arm, from my fingers to my elbow was one big swollen ballon. Even to the touch. It literally felt like it was going to burst. Then came time for the Epidrual. This was about 2am. The anesthesiologist couldn't get the needle in my first vertebra so he had to do it again in a different one. All the while Im having contractions and not able to move, or you know you could be paralyzed. He finally got it in, and then 30 min later i was starting to feel better.
My body reacts very weird to anesthesia. I instantly feel loopy and completely checked out. Which in the moment feels great. I can sleep and nothing or no one bothers me. But once I got the epidural I stopped progressing. I was a 7 cm for 8 hours!! So eventually they gave me pitocin to speed things along. Well... Eventually the pitocin overrode the epidural and I could feel everything in my right side. And apparently pitocin contractions are worse than normal contractions? Because I wanted to kill someone. It took another hour, and rotating from side to side to get the epidural to take over in my right side. Once everything was numb again I was good to go, still only 7 cm, so I decided to FaceTime my Bestie who was about to head to the hospital to be induced to have her first baby. (Claramae's future husband). We face-timed for about 20 minutes and then all the sudden I could feel everything again. The nurse came in and checked my cervix. My water had broken and I was a 9. It took about another 30 min for the epidural to kick in ( Kaiser gives you a button to push to administer more, but it locks out after each dose for 15 min). So once I was numb again, I fell asleep for the remaining time and then at about 12 the nurse came in and told me it was time to start pushing. She said it could take an hour or more so she wanted me to give a practice push. So I did, and she yelled at me to stop. She called the doctor in and from the time the doctor scrubbed in, and I pushed (1 Big push and 2 small pushes) Claramae took her first breath at 12:06. Brian cried, I cried. And Oceans by Hillsong was playing while the doctor sang along. It was beautiful.
There honestly aren't words to describe the moment you meet that person you've dreamt about, and wondered about for so long. I guess its similar to the ground opening up from an earthquake. This strong burst of emotion floods through your body, cracking open the strongest part of your self. Your heart. Exposing all sides of you. Vulnerability, love, joy, fear. You're completely exposed. Fragile, yet still strong. Your heart will never be the same. Another being holds a piece of you. Just walking about this earth. Another being is capable of breaking your heart. The worry for every day after their first breath. The wonder of whats to come. Soooo many emotions. You are solely responsible for another life. And that is frighteningly beautiful. Motherhood....it changes you.
Family trickled in after we had our hour of skin to skin. Claramae latched right away. Eats like a champ, sleeps like a champ. The moment Brian brought Adaline in the room, my heart was completely full. I worried Adaline would be angry and jealous. But she locked on to her sister the moment she saw her. Saying and signing baby, smothering her in kisses. Pointing to her eyes, nose, lips. And when family came in, she was too protective of her sister. Theres one picture where my mom is holding her and Adaline is reaching out to grab her sister. And then the following picture she's next to her again with this look of love all over her face. Their bond is something I can't wait to watch grow.
The next day was supposed to be discharge day. They had prepped me for discharge. Filled out all the paper work, met with Social workers for her birth certificate and SS. But... i was unable to pee. Because of the epidural they measure your pee and I was completely unable to pee. They gave me all day and night, but I was still unable to pee. So the only options was to be sent home with a catheter and to come back in 4 days to have it removed. First off, let me tell you... having a bag of piss attached to your leg along with the healing and bleeding of child birth is sooooo degrading. There is nothing more sexy than your husband having to help you carry your pee bag around and drain it for you. This was a struggle. Brian came home after Adalines birth, and I had lost all the baby weight and was in better shape than when we got married. And this time he was there to see it all. All the ugly nasty things that come with childbirth. And I was not having it. I didn't want help, I didn't want him to see me at all. I wanted to be up and moving the next day. But this was not going to happen. I wasn't going to be able to do things without him. I needed him, and that was a hard pill to swallow. Because if you know me on a personal level, you know that I don't need anyone. Or I don't like to need anyone. Even living in my parents back house so we can save and pay off debt and get ahead is a low blow to my pride. Not being able to pick up Adaline, or go to her therapies broke a piece of my heart. It took 7 catheters, a week of no bladder control, lots of humility, and two pee tests to get that dang thing removed. I even had to learn how to self catheterize my self. HUMILIATING. Everyone was asking me about my peeing habits. Ill probably need some sort of bladder therapy because the nerves are still very much damaged. I don't know I have to pee until my bladder is super full. And if I ever need Anesthesia again my bladder probably won't ever wake up. So no more kids for me, because I'm not superwoman who can do it without an epidural.
As for my PPD I had after Adaline, during this last pregnancy I am happy to report that I have never felt more control over my emotions than I do now. I suffered from so much anxiety and worry after Adaline. Panic attacks over the smallest things. Nightmares of falling down the stairs holding her and slipping and landing on her. Car rides were the worst. When any man other than Brian would hold her, I just had to hold my breath and bit my tongue. I believed she wasn't safe until she was in my arms. Never went out without her really, solely because I don't desire time away from my children, but also because I would just worry about her the whole time. I still don't think I will ever leave my kids with anyone just to go out and have fun. I don't desire time away from them. I want to be part of their every day.
I was on antidepressants in the beginning of my pregnancy with parental depression, so the doctors were worried thinking I would have PPD again, but I can honestly say that I don't feel anything but excitement and sometimes overwhelmed for this new chapter of my life. Dont get me wrong, There are times when I'm like about to hit my limit, like when Adaline pooped all though her clothes and we were in a restaurant and I didn't have a change of clothes for her, or when both babies are screaming in the car, but thats nothing some ice cream and a hot shower can't fix ;) I remembering feeling like the Post Partum hormones were way worse than pregnancy hormones and I was so worried how I would handle a new born and Adalines demanding schedule. And the nursing, my goodness. So different this time around. It took me so long to get Adaline to nurse. Then I had a "Milk Crisis" where i lost all my milk for a week. And this time around I have so much milk that Claramae can't even eat it all. I have to pump after each feeding. So I'm giving Adaline some in a sippy cup every once in a while.
I don't want to try to sell you Anything, but I can honestly attribute all of these differences to Plexus. I started diligently taking Plexus once I was on anti depressants in the beginning of this pregnancy and wanted to get off the meds. And my depression seriously went away. I stopped loosing so much weight and started achieving healthy pregnancy weight gain, and my milk supply is insane. Plus it helps so much with your gut health and really everything else. Plexus is a plant based supplement so its not chemicals or anything. If you're interested please email me and Ill get you some information. Here are some pictures of my postpartum journey. The first picture is my last bump picture... sadly i don't have a cuter one where I look happy. haha. I was 38 weeks here. The next picture is the morning after delivery... The following picture is 6 days after delivery. And the last picture is 2 weeks PostPartum. Im no where near my goal, but I know that I can get there. I truly believe in these products and what they have done for my health and even Adalines. Ill post some pictures below of the products I take daily.